Dark Star, The Thirty Ninth – Leaving

“What did you do?” Daddy words are quiet, shocked. My Daddy is never shocked. Never at something I’ve done. I’m his perfect girl.

He picks up a stiff arm, the skin waxy white with blood pooled on the underside where her flesh meets the operating table. It’s funny when they go all rigid like that, like a wooden puppet. I wonder if Daddy will raise the stiffening corpse and make her dance for me. I like it when he does that. I smile at him, remembering all those times he’s done it before, the music filling my ears as the memories flood back.

I begin to spin around the room in homage to our dancing, holding my arms as Daddy has shown me. His good girl, with good form.

A back hand sends me hurtling towards the floor, blood spraying across the tiles.
“Stop.” Daddy instructs.

“What. Is. This?” Daddy speaks slowly and deliberately. I know I must answer. I flail, lost for words.

A firm hand picks me up by the back of the neck and drags me over to the decaying body, the smell is putrid and her tongue protrudes from her mouth. It’s revolting. It’s much better than before, with all that disgusting cooing over the tiny pile of screech.


I was happy to shovel the meat bag back into its hole, to shut it up. The cracking sounds of its tiny breaking bones adding to the terrible cacophony echoing around the room, her pitiful screams, of distress, of pain, her objections to me forcing her spawn back inside her.

The eventual silence was blissful once she gave up the fight and let her life drift away. I must have fallen asleep, grateful for the peace.

“What did you do?” Daddy asks me as if he’s scolding a puppy, picking me up easily and rubbing my nose in the crudely sewn wound. “What is this Blade?” Higher in pitch now, his tone showing signs of confusion.

“I sewed it like you showed me Daddy. I was your good little nurse.”

He drags me up to face him, nose to nose. “But… she’s still so fat. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BABY?” Bellowing now, deep Daddy roars of anger. My bladder responds in fear, releasing a slow trickle of wet down my thighs. This is not the wetness I associate with my Daddy, my Daddy makes me happy wet. I squirm as the liquid soaks into my socks, my favourite frilly socks, they won’t be pristine white any longer.

“Inside,” I gesture towards the belly of the woman, the bloody gash that splits her in two, bound together with thick surgical wire. The source of the red smeared across my punished face.

Daddy drops me to the floor, letting me collapse before his feet. His mouth hangs open like a fish gasping for air.

“Why….?” Is all he manages.

“It cried.” I offer. “I didn’t like it. It was noisy.”

Daddy shakes his head. His disappointment in me hits my gut like a wrecking ball, tears start to fall as I beg for his forgiveness.

“I’m sorry Daddy, it… it was really, really… loud. And… and… I wanted it to stop. And… and the lady looked so happy when she held it but when I held it then it… it… it just cried like all horrible and I couldn’t make it stop. It didn’t love me, I just wanted it to love me.” Shaking with sobs, I bury my head in his lap as he kneels down before me.

“I planned so carefully.” Daddy’s words are distant. He’s no longer here in the room with me. “It was all so clear. I don’t understand. How could I fail like this…”

Momentarily I feel him. A wave of defeat washes over him, every muscle in his body going slack as he gives in.

“How am I supposed to teach her in this place?” He spits his words now in anger. “This world is so demanding. These people, all children, all babies groping for attention and selfish gain.” Daddy is staring that the corpse beside us. “Of course her spawn would be so vile. It runs in her blood like a disease.”

“Daddy?” My voice is lost under the growing rage that bellows out from him.

“Of course it was going to fail! That is my lesson. My lesson here.” He lashes out and strikes the corpse, splitting the skin with a firm fist. “Of course it wouldn’t work in this filthy hole. It’s their fault. They ruined it all!”

His last words echo violently in the room. I feel the cold trickle of blood run down my face, splatters from the corpse as Daddy struck it.

“She doesn’t know yet. She hasn’t seen what I have seen. What I learned when I was young.” His voice calms as he finds his new way. I listen to him piece it all together again. A new way of looking at the world. “I pushed to her fast, too soon. She hasn’t even learned the simple things yet…”

He goes silent as some dawning realisation comes to him.

I’m surprised to feel Daddy’s hand stroke my back, his words coming softly.

“My precious girl. So young, so much to learn. Of course, you never had any baby brothers or sisters, you’d never know. That’s what babies do. They cry and you feed and nurture them. They’re ever so demanding Blade, it’s why I could never have another, because I have so much still to teach you.”

I nod, not quite understanding but keen to appear compliant.

“The lesson here now is lost.” Daddy looks disappointed, but soldiers on, nodding all the while to himself. “But it’s clear I have a different task. You need to learn about the circle of life my girl, the miracle of birth, about parenting and raising young. You need to learn all about babies. I thought I was teaching you but I see now that I missed the point, so consumed with getting back at that bitch and this place.” he spits in the direction of the rapidly decaying mush of meat and bones, “I will show you how to be a good parent my darkling, I’ll teach you to be just like me.”

I feel the small swirl of excitement in my stomach. I want to be perfect, just like him “How Daddy…?” I ask softly.

“I will teach you in the way I learned…” He smiles softly at me, remembering some time long ago. “Out in the country. Out in nature. Where you can see life in its true form, not here medically forced and artificial. There’s no life left in this putrid, decaying city.” Daddy smiles down at me, drying up my tears. “I’m taking us to a farm.”

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