I barely notice the collar after a while. It sits comfortably around my neck, almost reassuring, like the grip of Daddy’s strong hand. It speaks to me with sharp teeth of pain. A yelp inducing jolt that delivers a clear message, his message.
“Be a good girl,” he tells me, clipping it in place, “and you won’t need to be punished.”
I nod to show I understand, heart racing at the prospect of getting in trouble, of disappointing him. I won’t, I won’t, I’ll be good, I promise.
“Good girls play nicely, they share their toys and they’re soft and gentle with each other. You remember how I showed you? How to be nice to the little girl? ”
“Yes Daddy.” I look up at him with sincerity, reaching over to stroke the girl, running my hand up her thigh, over the crusty patches of dried blood. She flinches at my touch but doesn’t move away. The chains that hold her jangle slightly against the stone floor, it’s a pleasurable sound to my ears, reminds me of summer days and finding new friends.
Daddy must remember too because we smile fondly at each other. “My little darkling…,” his eyes full of love, “play now, have a wonderful time with your friend. Daddy will be just over here. I’m watching you, remember.” I catch his wink before he bounces up and over to his busy grown up work in the corner of the room.
“Here you go,” I say brightly, pouring high from the teapot into the pink plastic cup. “Help Teddy with his tea. He likes it…,” encouraging her to pick up the empty vessel and hold it to the inanimate lips of the bear next to her.
She shakes slightly, rocking the cup against the saucer. She eyes me nervously, waiting for my reaction to the sound. The exertion of controlling her hands is evident from the strain in her face.
She speaks quickly to mask the sound, forced enthusiasm making the words sound too brash from her tiny mouth. “Here you go Teddy. Oh yes, look, he likes it.” Her movements are over-exaggerated, nodding furiously in agreement with her own fake pretend, her eyes so wide I imagine them dislodged from her pretty little head and into my lap.
The shock bolts down my body before my nails even touch her eyelids. It’s a little one, a warning. Enough to draw my hungry hands away from their desire.
“No, my darkling.” Daddy orders, “…play nicely, no eye gouging.” He almost looks amused at his own words. I pout.
It’s not my fault; she’s the one who inspired the idea. Sitting there with eyes all pretty, practically popping them out of their sockets and into my claws. It’s like she wants it.
I am careful to keep the words inside. I so want to play nicely and make Daddy proud but it’s quite hard when so many things aren’t allowed.
“Why are you stopping?” I ask the girl, “Teddy isn’t finished. He’s a big boy and likes to eat lots of cake.” The girl is slow to respond so I take her hand and guide it back to Teddy’s mouth, shovelling imaginary cake into his blood stained blue lips. “He prefers chocolate pudding really, but that’s a special treat, isn’t it Daddy?” Turning my head I see he’s concentrating on work, my question hangs unanswered.
The girl lets out a little whimper as my nails dig into her wrists. The shock is immediate and strong. I groan slightly as pretty little sparks flash in my eyes. Regaining focus I see Daddy gently shaking his head.
We continue to feed Teddy as I tell my new friend all about him, all about how Daddy made him for me. Teddy was a silly boy once that Daddy brought home for dinner. He was so ungrateful that he didn’t finish his dessert, even though he’d told Daddy how much he loved chocolate pudding.
Because Daddy is so kind he said he could help the boy; but the boy didn’t like it when Daddy gave him all that pudding. Daddy was angry then, he taught the boy how to be grateful in the most beautiful way I have ever seen.
Now the boy is Teddy. My Teddy. And teddies like tea. I drift off into a dream of a memory of watching my Daddy teach the boy a lesson. A well deserved lesson on gratitude.
Daddy is perfect. I love Daddy. He is my Daddy.
The words, “…my Daddy,” murmur out of my mouth before I am able to hold them in. My friend stares at me, stricken with fear. Silly girl is making me feel uncomfortable. My face turns into a snarl as my little hand connects with her face in a cracking slap.
Instantaneous red flashes streak across my vision. A burning pain deep in my neck flushes up and makes me feel dizzy.
“Sorry Daddy,” I say weakly, returning to tea. I calm myself by stroking Teddy’s patches of fur, a patchwork I so carefully stapled to him. Teddy is good now. Stroking his arm, it slides limp out of his lap. The boy now a boneless sack of fluff and fur for me cuddle.
Sometimes, when Daddy is out and I get really bad aches in my special place, I play with Teddy in a special way. He is a good Teddy and takes my special metal toy without complaining.
I think I liked it more when he complained.
“Stroke Teddy,” I tell the girl. “Isn’t he lovely and soft?”
Whimpering the girl does as she’s told and, with jangling chains, she strokes his ears. Her strokes are clumsy and too light though so I show her how to stroke properly. Gripping her hand in mine, making sure she doesn’t disturb Daddy with a silent, “Shhhh…”
Her clammy hands in mine, I make her stroke Teddy proper and hard – just how he likes it. She strokes too hard and knocks Teddy’s ear off tearing away some of the flesh. Stupid clumsy girl.
“Oh no!” I grumble as I pick up Teddy’s fluffy brown ear. Frantically I try to stick the ear back on Teddy’s leathered fleshy head, forcing the nail back through the skull.
Watching it fall off again, I turn in anger to the girl. “You broke him you stupid bitch.” This time it’s my fist that connects with her face.
I come to, laid out in my special sleeping position. The last shock knocked me out cold. I touch between my thighs and feel the wet sticky juice of Daddy treats. Carefully scraping it up with my fingers, I take the precious gift in my hungry mouth.
“Thank you Daddy.” I say automatically as I devour the white salt and red iron.
The beast inside stirs and I let out a little growl.
“Please.” The girl starts to plead. She knows my growl. “Oh god…” Her words trail off as I fix my glare on her.
“Didn’t you enjoy watching Daddy give me his special treat?” I ask accusingly. “Is it because you wish he’d give his gift to you?” I spit my words, crawling towards her across the floor, my legs still limp from the electric shock.
“Well he won’t give it to you.” I growl, nose to nose with the trembling girl. “They’re mine. My Daddy treats!” I take her eyes out with two sharp thumbnails.
The shocks come fast and relentlessly. The pain is exquisite. I pant and let out a moan of pleasure as I try so very hard to stay awake. “They are…” I force the words out, “…mine!” Scooping the white gooey eyeballs into my mouth.
I feel Daddy’s fist impact on my head as he pulls me away from the friend that is now a corpse. My claws frantically ripping at her stupid pretty face. The stars return and eventually I pass out again with Daddy’s big hand around my mouth and his thrusts deep inside me.
Lesson learned. Pretty girls have tasty eyes…
“Go on.” I encourage the fat boy. “Princess likes tea.” Lifting the cup in his chubby fingers up to the girl’s blue lips. She’s a pretty princess now with porcelain white skin in her beautiful gown. A princess like Sleeping Beauty, with sewn-shut eyes. I like her better like this; silently sat next to Teddy, my dear friends, waiting and obedient, ready to play with me always.