I love to collaborate on posts with Mimieux, our discussions delve into all things love, life and filth. Our most recent musings have been around ‘perfect sex’, is it a thing? If it is, then what defines it?
We drew the same conclusion ‘there’s no such thing…but you can get pretty damn close!’
I pondered on what magical ingredients must be present to achieve awesomeness, not perfection because that ideal cannot be achieved and to aspire to perfection just risks disappointment, but hella good sex, that’s a thing; so what common factors link together all those times that have blown my mind?
Whereas Mimieux suggests 100% satisfaction would be ensured from a robot I’d have to disagree. Connection is important, possibly the most important element for me. I like physical connection, skin on skin, warmth, touch, all senses overloaded and present. Equally important to physical is a mental connection, starting with communication, learning each other. Talent helps, but enthusiasm and willingness to research results in aquired skills.
Get in my mind, build me up with words first. Use the written word to build anticipation and then speak those words blatant to my face and watch me melt. I’m suggestible and encouragable, talk to me, toy with ideas that we could try without making rigid plans, tease or threaten about what’s to come – and deliver on your promises.
Whilst it’s no secret that I like words, I’ve found they aren’t necessary beyond a point, I need a connection that allows communication conveyed through animalistic puppy noises and eye contact. Overwhelming sensations of pleasure often cause me to lose words, know me well enough to know what each whimper and ruff means then respond accordingly.
The second ingredient would be trust. Trust is really fucking hot. A shared trust gives security that allows a freedom to explore. Mutual trust comes doused in confidence and that’s important too. Use me like you know what you’re doing, show me that you know what you like and take it; allow me to do my thing trusting that I know the same.
The final essential part of this recipe is responsiveness. There’s no mistaking my enjoyment, it’s written all over my face and in my noises, delicious noises. Equally when I want something to stop or change, using tapping as my default safe word is rarely required – it’s obvious. I’m an intuitive toy. One that I’m assured is fun to play with, my responsive ways often praised.
Do the same for me…show me, tell me, avoid making it cheesy but remember, feedback is how I learn. Good puppies like to learn tricks, reward me with ‘good girl’ when I get it right.
Hella amazing sex has a feeling of shared energy, a natural flow. I want my internal monologue to shut the hell up for once, with no thinking and no worrying. It takes the combination of connection, trust and responsiveness on both sides to achieve that; as practically perfect as I can get.
Without, of course, taking it all too seriously…a dash of humour and playfulness is the final spice to make this dish, cooked on that undeniable spark of mutual desire. All presented a cuddley aftercare wrapper please.
(Must be produced in an environment free from – pressure, expectations, obligation or overthinking. Dietary intolerances include vulgarity, obviousness, dishonesty and kink-kit for kit’s sake!)
Later in her post Mimieux reflected on what, for her, would constitute on-going sexual bliss. She was almost embarrassed to admit to me that her ideal would be the stability of an on-going relationship. Someone who knows you so well you’re guaranteed they will fuck you well and you can snuggle up with them afterwards.
I assured her that she need not be embarrassed at this desire. Besides, it’s her blog and she can say whatever she likes! I did, however share my recent ‘sex epiphany’….
I found that married sex is awesome – easy, fun and frequent. Everything Mimieux wanted it to be. Dredon and I first had sex when we were 18, instantly compatible with ongoing exploration, trust and confidence in knowing how to push each other’s buttons built through experience and enthusiasm.
Early on my journey of independent exploration including the exciting (and slightly daunting) prospect of having sex on my own for the first time since my teens, I tried my best to quash the persistently brain-invading thought that no one could live up to married sex. I had doubts over whether anyone new could ever be as good because Dredon clearly knows me like no one else could.
Turns out, it’s not marriage, experience, history, familiarity or stability that makes fucking awesome fucking for me.
It comes back to finding that connection, trust and responsiveness. Yes, that could take some time to build but it can happen quickly with the right ingredients in place, over the right heat, and it’s down to me to source them – turns out, I have a seemingly abundant natural source!
I’m so responsive that provided I fuck people who put the effort into reading me (or have eyes, ears and some common sense, because honestly – I’m not subtle!) I will always have good sex at the very least.
I’m also lucky enough to share my life with some incredible lovers, diabolical kink geniuses. Connections have developed I could have never expected before, shared perversions that push my boundaries and take me to unexpected places. Explorations that are sometimes more than sex, instead of sex or equally satisfying. I will never find perfection because that bar is too high, what is available to me is as many damn good experiences as I chose – and I’m the catalyst.