Unicorn Hunter

Twice in the same morning I was labelled with the moniker ‘unicorn hunter’.
In both cases it was done in a positive way, one referring to my ‘success’ as a unicorn hunter (glitter related apparently), the other asking ‘teach me your ways’. Both times it got me riled up; seemingly this should be something to be proud of – So why did I find it so offensive?

My reaction was surprising and prompted exploratory discussions with friends and my man to understand why I wouldn’t want to be labelled with something others seem to seek. Plus, they are just words and words can be interpreted in any way chosen, yet still my gut reaction was “Shnarf! Ick”! So why….

For those unfamiliar with the term ‘unicorn’ in this context (not a mythical horny horse!) then Urban Dictionary provides a definition that helps explain where some of my offence comes from. They say it’s often a ‘derogatory, condescending or ironic’ term, suggesting that ‘unicorns’ though rare and desired, are somehow secondary, a mystical bi-sexual woman that a couple can use for sex without rocking their boat at all.

To be clear, we like making new friends; when it feels right, fun and natural then we have amazingly hot fun playing with our friends, both male and female. When it comes to sex and sharing, we have no expectations and no obligations; this is important to us.
Female friends that we have played with are friends before, during and after; we look for that essential connection, that spark. We’ve also been blessed to find something special that’s developed to more, though we weren’t looking for it – or hunting it out.

My offence comes from hating the idea that we could be seen as a predatory couple after any bi-sexual female who is willing to get it on!

I am proud to be accepting and non-judgemental, if you relate to the unicorn label and you’re happy with it then that’s awesomeness. I appreciate how joining a couple for sex can massively benefit their sex life, their relationship and make for fantastically hot times for all three of you. It can be a gift, as this excellent post from Life on the Swingset explains. Certainly our experiences have shown that every new lover teaches you something new.

I’m always down for people to be happy with who they are – I want to be happy with who I am and that includes ensuring I have a reputation I am proud of, so for the record…..

We haven’t been hunting unicorns.
Yes, we’ve had amazingly hot threesomes with amazingly hot girls, you’ve read about them here, but they aren’t just any girls and we didn’t go hunting them out with the same single-minded focus I see from some couples online. Whilst open to fantastically filthy opportunities for fun, we’re not predatory about it.

Happily setting the record straight and only slightly baffled at how we managed to get this reputation to begin with – perhaps people are skipping the blog posts about feelings and going straight for the smut!

I’d welcome your thoughts, are they just words and am I over-reacting? Should I be proud? Does it even matter because anyone who knows us knows the truth? Or is my gut right? More importantly can I justify buying a crossbow for an perverse ironic ‘Unicorn Hunting’ photo shoot? (Any excuse!)

Unicorn Hunter (1)

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5 Responses to Unicorn Hunter

  1. Claire says:

    I don’t associate the term ‘unicorn’ with any negativity but can see why you’d want not to be labelled. Whilst I look forward to an opportunity to invite someone to join us it could never, ever be in absence of a connection, a relationship outside of sex or someone I would not refer to as a good and special friend. It is this fact that is delaying any progress toward being joined by such a person….but for the reasons you describe, I’d much rather wait and secure something more than a ‘unicorn’…..x

    • Babefiend says:

      Thank you for your feedback Claire, it’s always useful and interesting to have insight from others.

      I hope you find your someone special, I think it would be worth the wait. xxx

  2. Mimieux says:

    I’ve been approached a couple of times by some couples who wanted to have a threesome with me (because apparently young, relatively good looking, truly bisexual women are hard to come by…) but I never felt that I was being a unicorn. Some of them were of course very … insistent, and didn’t get the message that ‘no’ meant ‘FUCK OFF I, AM NOT INTERESTED’, so I think it’s something to do with the approach. A couple of the times I was approached, it was because the relationship was (according to them) in trouble, and they wanted to do something hot to spice things up… but call me crass, but I don’t want to jump on board a sinking ship.

    I think the fetish scene was the first time I’d ever heard the term ‘unicorn’ in a derogatory way. I think because of the use of language, and, as you said, unicorns being mythical/not existing – in the same way a bisexual woman who wants to have sex with both parts of a couple is mythical/non existent, that’s where my … issue comes from. But it’s not something I’ve really spent a lot of time thinking about.

    I reckon it’s all about perceptions, and how we view ourselves and others around us. From time to time i see a couple i had a threeway with out and about in London, and we’re all perfectly lovely, but we were never going to be best buds for life, and we all knew that going into that arrangement (but then I was having emotional … weirdness at the time, and looking back on it, now, I probably wouldn’t have done it, butttt whatever). I think you’re right, babefiend, great sex is based not only on physical attraction, but mental connection. I think the reason I wouldn’t consider you to be a unicorn hunter, from what you’ve said here, is that you do look for the connection, you’re not going out on a night out, or a site, or wherever, and advertising, and saying ‘THIS IS WHAT ME AND MY OTHER HALF WANT, PLEASE JOIN US’ – you take care, time and put effort into making friends and THEN taking it to the next level.

    🙂 🙂 x

    • Babefiend says:

      Wow! Thank you for such an in depth reply, it’s really interesting to hear it from the point of view of someone who could be considered a ‘unicorn’ and understand that you share similar views.

      It’s the couples that are like the ones you describe, very insistent and pushy that make me balk at the label ‘unicorn hunter’. Likewise those looking for something to fix a relationship that’s in trouble, that would ring alarm bells for me too. I don’t think it’s crass to say you wouldn’t jump aboard a sinking ship – I’d wouldn’t either. The potential for drama would spoil what is supposed to be fun and hot for all involved.

      It is indeed all about perceptions and I’m glad the one you have of me is in line with how I view myself. Connections are important, as are the feelings and needs of everyone involved, it should never be a couple looking for someone, anyone, to fulfil their desires. It should be mutually beneficial.

  3. Pingback: Intentions | From the mouth of Babefiend

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