The Essential Connection

My shyness was baffling. As baffling to me as it was to them. Mutual attraction and desire abound, but my self-imposed expectations and perceived inexperience had quashed my usual confident exhibitionism and replaced it with ‘shy puppy’ – and not for the first time.

All was not lost as I had the privilege of being the observer. A voyeur to a hot pup tied by my man and her Master. Watching her slip into blissed sub-space at their hands. Seeing the obvious arousing impact of the objectification as they focussed on the ropes and the knots, treating her like a toy.

A genuinely hot night with reassurances that my shyness had not been sabotage, yet I was troubled….I’m usually the first one naked… why was I holding back?

Reflection has realised why I rocked the shys that night. I adore these exceptional people, my friends, and my inexperience at balancing sex/ play with those I really care about made me nervous to cross that line of intimacy.

I’d not had a friendship with the addition of open hot sex that lasted. Only once had that developed but object of my affection had made our threesome a shameful secret, eventually leading to the demise of our friendship.
Two lessons learnt 1- sharing is fucking filthy-hotness
2- be cautious! I didn’t know how to play with people I loved for fear of breaking it.

Then this happened and a couple of weeks later, after she and I exchanged valentine’s “I love you”s like our hearts would burst if we held it in longer, it all made sense.

I could have open loving sex with someone I cared about and still continue exactly the same. It didn’t change anything, only enhance it. A foundation of friendship, a hot connection when we’re together and complete freedom to create connections and play with other people. Openness with mutual happiness in sharing hot stories of our deviant adventures. Different to the love I shared with my man, a perfect complement.

My man and I had made initial steps into sharing down the swinger route with an online profile, hot meetings with hot couples, a couple of swingers clubs and genuinely awesome parties. It was sexy times with sexy people and yet our preferences changed from enjoying the casual sex to seeking playful organic fun with kinky-friends. Friends that were friends before play and would continue to be friends afterwards.

I thought I wanted no-strings-attached casual swinger sex. I liked it but discovered I’m less interested in sex as the end goal, preferring genuinely hot moments. Moments that aren’t necessarily about sex, certainly not the ‘full swap’ expectations of swinger meets but the erotic subtleties in-between.

In a rare moment of expression my man explained to me “it the connection that’s hot, where’s there’s a spark” seeing people you care about, people you’re attracted to, having a really hot moment is much more enjoyable to me than participating in a room full of people banging.

I’m not saying I’ll fall in love with any future lovers, it’s not at a requirement, but I want a connection beyond just wanting to fuck. A sense of fun, playfulness, openness to being fluid and letting whatever happens naturally, happen. Sometimes that’s sex; I love sex, sometimes it’s watching a gorgeous girl turn into a puddle of goo from being tied in rope, or being restrained whilst your friends share spanking you, or being locked in eye contact with a devastatingly beautiful girl as she makes herself cum in a hot tub.

Our smugmarried sex-life is awesome, incomparable – we share for explorative experiences for exceptional people, not just to have more sex with different people.

Our future sharing adventures will be about connection. The essential connection that comes with attraction, shared interests, shared approach, no obligations, no expectations (self-imposed or otherwise) freedom and openness. Filthy fucking fun and loving friendship.

I know how to do it now, with open heart and open mind. I’m excited at the potential, my potential, as love, experience and trust builds towards pushing boundaries. I deserve this much and more.

Connection Blog

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4 Responses to The Essential Connection

  1. Claire says:

    You articulate so well the complex feelings and emotions around a love like this. I continue to love your writing x

    • Babefiend says:

      Thank you Claire, that’s such a lovely compliment. My feelings and emotions are complex and writing them down helps me to understand them better.
      I’m delighted that you’ve said you love my writing. I look forward to more comments from you x

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